


Can't Go Back

by 7Fanfer7



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Tenderness, Trauma, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25521775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7Fanfer7/pseuds/7Fanfer7
Summary: Hello all! this is my first published Kalluzeb fic. I fell in love with rebels and of course these two. This idea popped into my head and I just kinda went with it. hope you enjoy! more to come soon!
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus & Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 5
Kudos: 51





	Can't Go Back

With a sickening crackle the shield generator sparked to life. Kallus had waited as long as he possibly could before tapping the buttons to bring the shield generator online. He frantically looked around for Zeb and couldn’t spot him anywhere. His heart stopped, maddening stress overtook him, and he for a second he couldn’t see clearly

_ I killed him. Stars I killed him. Why? Why did he have to be heroic?  _

Kallus’s mind paced frantically. For some reason the intensity of this moment felt more clear and painful than anything he’d felt in the last year. His broken leg, being tortured by Thrawn, none of it felt comparable to this. The abject despair he felt at the thought of killing his best friend, and the man he loved, threatened to overwhelm him. He fell to the floor of the platform and stared into nothing. Right as he was about to come at himself with another round of anguish, he heard grunting below the platform.

“Karabast, that was close” Kallus looked over to see Zeb wriggling himself from the supports of the platform to grab on to the edge on the far wall, electricity arcing beneath him.

He walked over to where Kallus was kneeling and looked down at him. “You ok?” He offered a hand which Kallus took and stood up, trembling.    
  
“I almost killed you. Zeb, I almost killed you” he said, staring right through Zeb.

“S’okay, I made it out just fine.” Zeb reached out to put a hand on Kallus’s shoulder.   
  
“No! It’s not ok!” Kallus shoved the hand off. The fear that had swirled around in him for the past minute became a sudden rage. The last thing he wanted was for it to come out at Zeb, but he couldn’t seem to control it. The sense of relief that Zeb was alive was there, but completely overshadowed by the intense fearful anger. He felt so many things at once, and for a moment it was hard to control himself. His previous Imperial training seemed to have suddenly left him. 

Zeb stared at him wide eyed for a moment before moving in to attempt to completely embrace Kallus. This time, he finally gets his arms around without any objections or violent reactions, and holds Kallus in a warm embrace. The man is shaking like Zeb had never felt before, and he’s suddenly overcome with worry for his mate

He tries to console him.“Hey It’s ok. It’s-”

“Don't do that! Don’t ever make me do that again!” Kallus cries into his chest, his hand grips tightly on the jumpsuit on Zeb’s chest. Tears are flowing freely now and the anger he had felt towards Zeb had vanished, replaced by the sullen sadness he had felt at the thought of losing Zeb.

“But Kal, it’s a war. We might all die all the time” Zeb says softly nuzzling his head with his own.

“I know” Kallus sobs “I know. But I can’t be the one to do it. Not you. I can’t.”

Kallus loses the rest of his composure and cries freely into Zeb’s chest as Zeb holds him.

“I can’t go back there,” Kallus says between sobs “I can't. I know” He sniffles, “I know there was a time I wanted you dead, a time where I almost killed you.”

He chokes for a second and his grip tightens on Zeb’s jumpsuit. He looks up earnestly to see Zeb staring at him, wide eyed and sober. He looks into Zeb’s eyes for a moment before continuing, somewhat more composed.

“I don’t want to be him again” He started, “I don’t want to want you dead. I love how things are now, where I want you alive. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, let alone being the reason you were gone.”

Zeb looked back Into Kallus’s eyes, his lip trembling, and eyes looking the most soft and caring Kallus had possibly ever seen them. He was captivated. Kallus had never had a way with words, and to see them come so freely and honestly from him almost brought Zeb to tears. The only regret Zeb had about the scenario they were currently in, besides the fact Kallus was a crying mess, was it almost took him dying to bring it out of the man. 

Zeb pulled away for a moment and held Kallus at arms length to get a good look at him. Tears were streaked down his face but he had stopped sobbing. Something bubbled to the surface in Zeb’s heart, and if he thought he couldn’t have cared more for the man in front of him, then he was wrong. What Kallus had said to him was certainly the sweetest admission of love Zeb had ever heard, and if there was any tiny doubt left that Kallus hadn’t changed as a person, it was gone.

They looked at each other for a moment and Kallus had an almost expectant look on his face, as if waiting for Zeb to say something. In one swift movement Zeb stepped forward and pulled Kallus to him. Kallus gasped in surprise as Zeb pulled their faces together and his gasp was muffled by Zeb’s lips on his own. 

“I’m sorry” Zeb whispered, and kissed him again. This time Kallus had overcome his surprise and kissed him back, lips softly shaking against Zebs. The softness and tenderness the kiss held deeply calmed him, and in an instant his uncontrolled emotions were stabilized. The fear and heavy anxiety he felt was simply replaced by the calming love between them. He smiled, and kissed Zeb back wholeheartedly.

“C’mon boys!” Rex’s voice rang out from the other end of the room, “We gotta go!” 

They snapped out of the gentle moment between them and looked over to Rex, who was at the door waving for them. They pulled apart and Zeb softly smiled shyly at Kallus before taking a couple steps towards the platform bridge. He looked back smiling and stared into the man's eyes again.

“C’mon. We made it, let’s go” He nodded towards Rex.

Kallus smiled back and looked into Zeb’s soft green eyes. He nodded silently and followed Zeb over to Rex and the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. this one is my first published fic. If you want to connect or share ideas HMU on twitter  
> https://twitter.com/MattyQuailDog  
> Always looking for more fandom buds and people to talk with UwU


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